When navigating Coronavirus as a Family, author Dara Winely, found that her discussions with her clients shifted from “talking about what brought them into therapy to how do I talk to my children about the coronavirus?” As we all have experienced, this global epidemic has brought fear and anxiety to many. In specific, to seniors, as they are the ones most at risk. While daycares and schools are closing down temporarily, families are having trouble occupying their young ones without always resorting to screen time.

Studies have discovered “that children in families with high cohesion are likely to demonstrate low anxiety symptoms compared to children in families with low cohesion (Peleg-Popko & Dar, 2001; Victor, et al., 2007).” Below, Winely suggests this weekly calendar of entertaining activities to do with the family:

Mazed Monday. 

• Work on a puzzle or make one

• Create a scavenger hunt around the house

• Create your own escape room. 

1. Agree on a theme

2. Have everybody come up with 3-5 clues

3. Place them around the house

4. Make a list of rules

5. Set a time limit

6. PLAY!

Tuesday Tunes. 

• Create a playlist together

  • Each person is responsible for adding 3-5 songs

• Have a karaoke night 

• Listen to music all-day

Wind Down Wednesday. During these times, it is okay to feel anxious and concerned about the future. It is best to just take a step back sometimes and look at what is right in front of you: your loved ones. 

• Start the day off with a morning exercise or stretch

• Meditate or sit in silence 

• Listen to soothing nature sounds, ocean waves, or piano music

Thriving Thursday. 

• Help your kids stay on task by creating a brief “to-do list” 

  • This may include chores, homework assignments, reading time, and playtime. 

  • It also helps to set some guidelines as to when these tasks should be done and what the consequences or rewards maybe if done so or not to ensure goals are met. 

  • Don’t forget to include breaks

Fancy Friday. 

• Have your child pick a fun, family activity

  • Picnics in the backyard

  • Backyard tent camping

  • Late night dance party

  • Dinner and a movie

  • Play a board game

  • Cook for the next day’s meals or dessert

Sit Down Saturday. 

• Take time to answer any questions your child may have

• Ask them if you can help them with the transition from in school to at-home learning

• Openly process new information with them

• Have family meetings to listen to everyone’s needs

• Check-in with your child

  • What is on your mind? 

  • What do you care about? 

  • What are your values? 

Soul Sunday. 

• Take time to reflect on this past week

  • Winley recommends to take 15 minutes to do so by asking yourself these few questions and sharing them as you wish:

1. What was your favorite part of your day/week?

2. What has been the most challenging?

3. What do you hope to change this week? 

• Journal

• Take some “me time”

• Write letters to loved ones, checking in on how they are doing

By taking this time to spend with the family and by reaching out to others, it may help you feel less isolated. You may even discover something new about yourself or others. For more information on how to manage family weeks with COVID-19, please visit our website at Hilber Psychological Services or Contact Us for more information.

• Written by Lily Schmitt and Tanya L. Hilber, PsyD

References

Fuhs, M. W., Nesbitt, K. T., & Jackson, H. (2018). Chronic absenteeism and preschool children's executive functioning skills development. Journal of Education for Students Placed at Risk (JESPAR), 23(1-2), 39-52.

Peleg-Popko, O., & Dar, R. (2001). Marital quality, family patterns, and children's fears and social anxiety. Contemporary Family Therapy, 23(4), 465-487.

Victor, A. M., Bernat, D. H., Bernstein, G. A., & Layne, A. E. (2007). Effects of parent and family characteristics on treatment outcome of anxious children. Journal of anxiety disorders, 21(6), 835-848.

Winely, Dana. “Navigating Coronavirus as a Family.” Psychology Today. 17, March 2020. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/take-care-black-women/202003/navigating-coronavirus-family

In the article “Anxiety or Aggression? When Anxiety in Children Looks Like Anger, Tantrums, or Meltdowns,” author Karen Young denotes that children have tantrums not because they want to, but because something in their environment is making them anxious.

Kids may consider the simplest things as a threat, such as a test, a teacher coming over to talk to them, or even them being late to something and worrying about the repercussions of being late. Young notes that “for kids with anxiety, any situation that is new, unfamiliar, difficult or stressful counts as a potential threat.” With this realization of a potential threat, our amygdala, a structure of our brain that controls our emotions, goes into high alert to either fight or flight. When it senses a threat, it floods our bodies with hormones and adrenaline to make the body react faster and stronger (Young). This causes our emotions to turn on and tears to be drawn.

The buildup of this anxiety is very difficult for children to control on their own. It is then where parents should step in and ask their child if they need to talk. For most children, it is very difficult to open up right away, but through consistent connection, parents can slowly peel back the layers. The goal of talking with your child is to help them understand why they are getting anxious and how to identify the signs of anxiety in order to later stop the response.

According to the Healthline some signs of anxiety are:

• Excessive worrying

• Feeling agitated

• Restlessness

• Fatigue

• Difficulty concentrating

• Irritability

• Tense muscles

• Trouble falling or staying asleep

• Difficulty breathing

• Avoiding social situations

• Irrational fears or worries

Young states some ways that parents can help assist their children to relax their brain and understand their anxiety include the following tools.

Explain where anxiety comes from

Anxiety can come from anything, anywhere, but it is how you cope or deal with it that will determine how long this anxiety will occur. It helps to list out the events or people in your child’s life that may be causing your child stress, anxiety, or anger. From there, you and your child can break down the scenario and regulate the instances your child interacts with this person or does an activity. Anything that is causing your child to be stressed should be looked into depth because although your child may not be physically showing their anxiety, their mental health is being strained.

Breathe

Deep breaths help you relax and regain control of the present situation whether or not you are having an anxiety attack or just need to slow down. It is always okay to take a second and get yourself together. As parents, it is important to encourage your children to take a few deep breathes when they are feeling stressed. This way they can check themselves and relax for a second before they go again. Kids these days are really anxious about getting their work done on time and especially without mistakes. It is necessary to let your child know that it is okay to make mistakes: mistakes are how we learn. Practice your breathing and practice making mistakes and learning how to fix them because both are okay to do.

Have your Powerful thoughts ready

Have your powerful thoughts ready in the sense that when you think that you or your child is going to be angry or upset, have in mind what you are going to say to yourself to calm yourself down and to keep yourself motivated to keep going.

For example, Young says to say ‘It’s okay warrior dude. We’re all good here. You can relax. There’s nothing that can hurt us here.’ Then, keep practicing your strong brave thoughts until they become automatic, which they will.’

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness is about stepping back and looking at yourself from an outside perspective and seeing your feelings come and go without any judgment what so ever. Do you see yourself tensing up? Do you see yourself getting short of breathe? Do you see yourself getting anxious? If so, take a moment to yourself and just breathe. Stay mindful of what is in the present rather than what will happen in the future. Young states that “mindfulness for children generally works best [if] it’s kept to about five minutes or less but let them keep going for as long as they want to.” Here are some fun ways to practice mindfulness with kids.

Name it to tame it

Acknowledge your emotions in order to figure out how to control them. Young declares that if you can see that your child is getting angry or is feeling a certain way, you should act on it:

‘I can see that you’re really angry right now.’ ‘It has really upset you that you weren’t allowed to run through the supermarket. I get that. It’s hard having to be still sometimes isn’t it.’

“Hearing the words that fit with their feelings will help to strengthen the connection between the right and left sides of their brain” (Young) along with your parent-child bond because your child knows that you understand how they are feeling and are noticing it too and want to help.

Lift them up

When kids are down on themselves for doing something wrong or throwing tantrums, lift them up and tell them it is okay not to be perfect all the time, teach them to focus on the good and what they are doing right, encourage them to be nicer to themselves. Here are some common ones that come with anxiety.

If you find that your child is getting anxious or anger easily, sit down with them and talk about what may be causing these emotions to occur. If you find the root of it, then they will more likely to find a better response because they understand why this is happening to them and they can work on changing it.

Young identifies that “as adults, it is critical to be open to the possibility that beneath an aggressive, disruptive child, is an anxious one looking for security and comfort.”

For more information on how Hilber Psychological Services can help you with understanding and assisting your children or teens with anxiety, worries, or parenting, please contact us.

- Written by Lily Schmitt and Tanya L. Hilber, PsyD

References

Julson, Erica.”11 Signs and Symptoms of Anxiety Disorders.” Healthline. 10, April 2018. https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/anxiety-disorder-symptoms#section6

Young, Karen. “Anxiety or Aggression? When Anxiety in Children Looks Like Anger, Tantrums, or Meltdowns.” Hey Sigmund. https://www.heysigmund.com/anxiety-or-aggression-children/

Young, Karen. “Mindfulness for Children: Fun, Effective Ways to Strengthen Mind, Body, Spirit.” Hey Sigmund. https://www.heysigmund.com/mindfulness-for-children-fun-effective-ways-to-strengthen-mind-body-spirit/

Singe Whitson, a child and adolescent therapist, spoke about the importance of identifying rude and mean behavior compared to bullying behaviors. It can be easy to categorize bad behavior as bullying, but it is important to not overgeneralize this term. Although a therapist never wants to minimize a client's situation, we all must learn the difference between these terms in order to not simplify the term "bullying". In reality, bullying is a very serious issue.

Whitson defines rude as, “inadvertently saying or doing something that hurts someone else". These may be seen as social errors such as, burping in someone's face, cutting in line, or kicking a ball at someone. The problem with this is that rude situations are often spontaneous. A child does not mean to burp in someone's face, but without meaning to do so, they are hurting someone else. 

Being mean involves “purposefully saying or doing something to hurt someone once (or maybe twice).” Whitson explains,  “mean behavior very much aims to hurt or depreciate someone….Very often, mean behavior in kids is motivated by angry feelings and/or the misguided goal of propping themselves up in comparison to the person they are putting down.” Although both mean and rude behavior needs to be corrected, it is important to understand how they are different from bullying. 

Bullying is “intentionally aggressive behavior, repeated over time, that involves an imbalance of power….Kids who bully say or do something intentionally hurtful to others and they keep doing it, with no sense of regret or remorse -- even when targets of bullying show or express their hurt or tell the aggressors to stop.” There are many different forms of bullying including, physical, verbal, relational, and cyberbullying. The reason bullying is worse than mean or rude behavior is because of the repeated actions that leave the person being bullied feeling helpless. 

Although bullying has become a topic of greater interest, it can never be talked about enough. Bullying has many long lasting effects on children and adolescents. It is important for parents to be aware of the signs that your child is bullying someone, or being bullied. Preventing bullying will make a difference. 

 Contact us for more information on individuals who are suffering from bullying, people who may have lasting effects such as anxiety or depression, or for help with children who are struggling.

~Written by Allison Parker and Tanya L. Hilber, PsyD

Reference: “A Mighty Girl.” Www.amightygirl.com, 16 Apr. 2018, www.amightygirl.com/?https=true.

One of the best ways to continue living a balanced lifestyle is to reduce stress levels, especially during the holidays. Stress does not only ruin your holidays, but it's also bad for your health. Between shopping, baking, cleaning, and entertaining, we sometimes forget that the holidays are supposed to be a fun, relaxing time spent with family and friends. When stress reaches it's top peak, it can be hard to gather and regroup. Here are some practical tips to help you get through the holidays, stress free: 

1. Acknowledge your feelings- Just because it is holiday season, that does not mean you have to be jolly all the time. If you have lost a family member or are unable to be with loved ones this holiday, it is okay to feel sad and cry. Acknowledging how you are feeling and accepting it can make the hard times a little more bearable.

2. Reach out- If you are feeling lonely, reach out to your community. Volunteering is a great way to pass time while feeling better about yourself and broadening friendships amongst your community. 

3. Be realistic- As years go on and people grow older, it is hard to make holidays perfect and the same as last year. Although traditions are important, there is always room for change. If family members are unable to make it this year, reach out and celebrate in other was to continue the holiday festivities.  

4. Set aside differences-  Try to make the most out of the time you have to spend with people. Accept family and friends for who they are and pick a different time to talk about your problems. Remember that other people are suffering from holiday stress as well. 

5. Stick to a budget- Holidays are not about who spent the most money. Before you begin shopping,  decide on a realistic budget and stick to it. Use techniques such as homemade gifts or family gift exchanges to keep the cost low. 

6. Plan ahead- Set aside specific days for shopping, baking, and visiting friends. Plan out events first then make lists of what you need to avoid last minute scrambling. Reach out to friends and plan ahead for party prep and clean up. Through all the madness, don't forget to save time for yourself. 

7. Learn to say no- Saying yes to every event will only lead to more stress. Friends and family members will understand if you can't participate in everything. If you start to feel overwhelmed, prioritize and take something off of your list.  

8. Don't abandon healthy habits- Eating healthy, exercising, and appropriate amounts of sleeping are all still important even during the holidays. It's easy to get caught up in the sweets every now and then,  but don't forget to take care of yourself.   

9. Take a breather- Spending just 15 minutes alone without any distractions can make all the difference. Go for a walk, listen to music, or read a book are some healthy ways to distract yourself and help with self care.  

10. Seek professional help as needed-  Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling persistently sad or anxious, plagued by physical complaints, unable to sleep, irritable and hopeless, and unable to face routine chores. If these feelings last for a while, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional. 

Effects of too much stress or chronic stress can exacerbate current problems or create more problems in life. The healthier your family is, the less difficult holidays are and the more enjoyable the holidays are. The more dysfunctional your family, the more important it is to have a survival plan. Use these tips to not only get through the holidays, but to get through everyday. 

If you have questions about stress and how it can affect you or your family's health or would like to schedule an appointment, please contact us. For more information on therapy, visit FAQ at Hilber Psychological Services. 

Written by Allison Parker and Tanya L. Hilber, PsyD

Reference: Mayo Clinic Staff. “Tips for Coping with Holiday Stress.” Mayo Clinic, Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research, 16 Sept. 2017.