As a little boy or girl, were you ever at a sleepover, but something didn’t feel right, and you just wanted to leave? In high school, were you ever at a party and realized there was drugs alcohol, and no parents were home, and you just wanted to leave? Have you ever been on a date that was so uncomfortable, you just wanted to leave? In college, were you ever in a situation where someone was trying to get you to do something you didn’t want to, and you just wanted to leave? As an adult, have you ever been at a bar with some of your friends and someone else kept hitting on you and you just wanted to leave? The reality of it, is we have all been in an uncomfortable situation and forgot that we are allowed to just leave. The reason we stayed may have been because we were scared, we were embarrassed, or we wanted to please the people around us. This blog is a reminder to men and women of all ages that it is perfectly okay to leave a situation, regardless of what other people may think.

Erynn Brook shared her story through a twitter thread of the first time her mother taught her she was allowed to leave an uncomfortable situation and the many times after that she was reminded. Brook explains, “I was maybe 7, I think it was my first sleepover at someone else’s house… before I left Mum told me that if I was uncomfortable at any point, for any reason, even if it was the middle of the night, I could call her.” As Brook’s night continued, she was bullied by her friends and decided she wanted to leave. The girl’s mom tried to discourage her by saying “it was late, I could sleep on the couch, and that I was upsetting her daughter.” Brooks called her mom anyways. When her mom arrived in the middle of the night, the other girl’s mom apologized, Brook’s mom stopped her and said “don’t apologize for my daughter. I want her to know she’s allowed to leave, and I’ll be there for her at any time.”

As she grew up, there were many other uncomfortable situations Brook wanted to leave. Ranging from times her friends were bullying her to resigning from a job, she always remembered her mom’s advice. Brook explains that she is aware this is not a widespread idea. Most parents teach their kids to “just deal with it” or “don’t be a quitter,” but that’s not what this lesson is about. Leaving an uncomfortable situation is one of the hardest decisions. Leaving does not mean you are soft or weak, it means you are strong and brave.  

The most important lesson is that everyone is allowed to leave. There may be some situations, for some people where there is no way out. However, the important thing to remember, is that you’re ALLOWED to. You have the right and the ability to leave. A helpful part to remembering this, is having someone, like Brook had her mom, to always be there to remind you it is okay to leave and help you get out of the situation. Everyone deserves to feel safe and comfortable, regardless of your age or gender. YOU are in control of your life, YOU set your own boundaries, and YOU are allowed to leave an uncomfortable situation.

~Written by Allison Parker and Tanya L. Hilber, PsyD

Reference: Marfice, Christina. “Powerful Thread Reminds Us We Can Always Leave Uncomfortable Situations.” Scary Mommy, Scary Mommy, 2 Oct. 2018, www.scarymommy.com/twitter-thread-uncomfortable-leave/

With technology use increasing day by day, we are faced with the fear of a diminished sense of self. These psychological problems can be related to whether our mind is healthy. The Healthy Mind Platter, created by David Rock and Dr. Daniel J. Siegel provides a baseline metric on what a healthy mind constitutes.

Based off of the concept of a healthy meal plan, David Rock and Dr. Daniel J. Siegel point out that it is essential for us to spend our day doing seven crucial things that will result in optimal brain matter. Doing these seven things will lead our mind to “integrate” which refers to the different parts of our brain connecting. This will, in turn, provide us with optimum mental health as well as stronger connections with people and the world around us.

The seven daily essential mental activities for the Healthy Mind Platter:

• Focus Time: By focusing on tasks in a goal-orientated way, we take on challenges that create opportunities for us to make deep connections in the brain.

• Play Time: By allowing ourselves to be spontaneous or creative, we help make new connections in the brain.

• Connecting Time: By connecting with other people, ideally in person, and by taking the time to appreciate our connections to the natural world around us, we activate and reinforce the brain’s relational circuitry.

• Physical Time: By moving our bodies, we strengthen the brain in many ways.

• Time In: By quietly reflecting internally, focusing on sensations, images, feelings, and thoughts, we help to integrate the brain better.

• Down Time: By doing something that requires no focus, without any specific goal, and letting our mind wander or just relax, we help the brain to recharge.

• Sleep Time: By giving the brain the rest it needs, we consolidate learning and recover from the experiences of the day.

Feel like you could use a little boost? Contact us for more information on the Healthy Mind platter or for other assistance on Anxiety or ADHD.

~Written by Mahida Saifi and Tanya L. Hilber, PsyD

Reference: “The Healthy Mind Platter” http://www.drdansiegel.com/resources/healthy_mind_platter/

Singe Whitson, a child and adolescent therapist, spoke about the importance of identifying rude and mean behavior compared to bullying behaviors. It can be easy to categorize bad behavior as bullying, but it is important to not overgeneralize this term. Although a therapist never wants to minimize a client's situation, we all must learn the difference between these terms in order to not simplify the term "bullying". In reality, bullying is a very serious issue.

Whitson defines rude as, “inadvertently saying or doing something that hurts someone else". These may be seen as social errors such as, burping in someone's face, cutting in line, or kicking a ball at someone. The problem with this is that rude situations are often spontaneous. A child does not mean to burp in someone's face, but without meaning to do so, they are hurting someone else. 

Being mean involves “purposefully saying or doing something to hurt someone once (or maybe twice).” Whitson explains,  “mean behavior very much aims to hurt or depreciate someone….Very often, mean behavior in kids is motivated by angry feelings and/or the misguided goal of propping themselves up in comparison to the person they are putting down.” Although both mean and rude behavior needs to be corrected, it is important to understand how they are different from bullying. 

Bullying is “intentionally aggressive behavior, repeated over time, that involves an imbalance of power….Kids who bully say or do something intentionally hurtful to others and they keep doing it, with no sense of regret or remorse -- even when targets of bullying show or express their hurt or tell the aggressors to stop.” There are many different forms of bullying including, physical, verbal, relational, and cyberbullying. The reason bullying is worse than mean or rude behavior is because of the repeated actions that leave the person being bullied feeling helpless. 

Although bullying has become a topic of greater interest, it can never be talked about enough. Bullying has many long lasting effects on children and adolescents. It is important for parents to be aware of the signs that your child is bullying someone, or being bullied. Preventing bullying will make a difference. 

 Contact us for more information on individuals who are suffering from bullying, people who may have lasting effects such as anxiety or depression, or for help with children who are struggling.

~Written by Allison Parker and Tanya L. Hilber, PsyD

Reference: “A Mighty Girl.” Www.amightygirl.com, 16 Apr. 2018, www.amightygirl.com/?https=true.

Sometimes suffering from anxiety can be hard to understand if you don't suffer from it yourself. People without anxiety often think "Just breathe and you'll be fine" or "What's the big deal?". But to people with anxiety, it's a really big deal. Here are the top 7 things anxiety sufferers want those without it to know. 

1. People with anxiety obsess over the little things. 
Things that seem like little things to you, are actually really big things to people who suffer with anxiety. Something as "small" as being looked at wrong or ignored can be very daunting. Situations like these stick with them throughout the day causing even more problems. So the next time something "small" happens, recognize it can be big to them. 

2. People with anxiety have every intention of going to an outing, but at last minute cancel. 
As these daunting ideas continue through out the day, our decision to go out to the movies or dinner becomes the worst idea in the world. Although people with anxiety want to go out, their thoughts often get the best of them and lead to only one decision, canceling. 

3. We are exhausted. 
The constant thinking and question can take a toll on a person who suffers from anxiety. Distracting thoughts throughout the day lead to staying up late at night constantly thinking. This leads to a lack of sleep and struggle to wake up in the morning. Waking up is a struggle for everyone, but imagine what it's like for someone with anxiety. 

4. Anxiety sufferers replay conversations in our head.
When your mind is constantly thinking and running through every possible scenario, you often start to explain a topic faster than possible. All of a sudden, what you're saying isn't making sense. This can be embarrassing for someone who suffers from anxiety. With that feeling of embarrassment, they often shut down. This doesn't mean they're in a mood, they're just struggling with that moment. 

5. Anxiety sufferers compare themselves to others. 
It's hard for someone with anxiety to understand how easy it is for people to get over things. When they see in person or on social media everything that is going on in other people's lives, they often question why it's so much harder for them. This causing even more of an issue when they begin worrying about why they're so worried all the time. 

6. Anxiety sufferers obsess over mistakes and beat ourselves up over it:
When something goes wrong, they often blame themselves. Therefore, when they make a mistake, they obsess over it. Doing things wrong and believing they're not good enough can lead to bigger problems. It's no surprise they're perfectionists. 

7. Finally: please, please don’t give up on us.
Sometimes, when a person with anxiety has no other option than to give up on themselves, they really need YOU to not give up on them. Although it can be frustrating and hard to understand, don't give up on them. 

People who suffer with anxiety are aware of how irrational they may sound. They know what they are going through and they're trying their hardest. Before giving up on them, try to understand them. 

While this information is geared towards individuals who suffer with anxiety, this same information about empathy and understanding emotions can be used to all individuals with disabilties. 

 Contact us for more information on individuals who suffer with anxiety, learning and expressing emotions, or for help with children who are struggling.

~Written by Allison Parker and Tanya L. Hilber, PsyD

Reference: Mazza, Laura. “Top 7 Things Anxiety Sufferers Want Those without It to Know.”Love What Matters.